Final Final-Post 30 for 30dow

This post has a few different assignments. I'll try to hit them all: 

1. 3 favorite topics

That one where a part describes a whole.

The Craigslist post.

Making up a day to celebrate.

2. 2 least favorite topics

I didn't like the pun one. 

3. What I learned

I learned that I can write a bunch when prompted, but I really hate word minimums of 1000 words when I'm also trying to write 1,667 words for another project every day. I'm also reluctant to write about real people in blogs, so I prefer fiction. 

4. Other comments

This was a lot of fun, but I wouldn't recommend it to others' in months that they have a lot going on (getting married, popping out some offspring, big project at work, writing a novel) because you can come to resent the daily assignments. 

5. Will I do this in Jan?

Probably not this next round.  I think I want to sit one out and concentrate on my other crafts. 

6. My style with examples

Sarcastic (National Prison Industrial Complex Day and the nerdy hook-up on Craigslist)

Prone to Melodrama (Day by Day Armageddon post about the zombie attack instead of writing about my actual life and the post where the chicken kills a bunch of humans while crossing the road)

Simple (I can't think of many actual examples, but I don't use big words. Also, I think with my gut. I don't trust people who think with their brains.)

Anthropomorphism-Post 29 for 30dow

I don't feel like dynamism or personification today. 

Some people say that anthropomorphizing is bad, but I disagree. I think that to assume that animals don't have human feelings is stupid and even more people-centered. It's also patronizing to think that we're the only animals on Earth who feel love, hate, jealousy, frustration, etc. 

So I choose to take it to the total opposite end and imagine my cats as high schoolers. It helps me relate to them, and I think I'm right on. 

Ashleigh (AKA "Kitty Kitty") is a hard one to figure out. Usually, I just decide that she's the bitchy girl who blows hot and cold. You can't figure out if she's your friend because she'll sometimes stab you in the back. But when she's your friend, it's awesome. It's like you're Serena and Blair. If she were in my generation, then she'd be a little grungy in high school. She'd definitely wear the same plaid jacket every day, and she'd have a pair of docs. 

Oliver is one that I can't always imagine in high school. I usually just picture him as a waiter in a fancy cafe. He has to wear tuxedos and shoes with crepe soles. His tux pulls a bit at the cummerbund, but he still looks nice in it. When he was in high school, he was into graphic novels and Magic the Gathering. 

Emma is the girl everyone wants to befriend. She's a bit unreachable, though. She doesn't take part in any of the traditional rich girl social activities, like cheerleading or drill team. She's got her heart set on being a professional dancer, so she spends all of her free time in the studio her dad built for her. He runs a car dealership. She's actually quite nice if you get to know her, but it's just so hard to approach her. It's not like you'd see her at the football games. 

Spider is a soccer player. He's voted class clown and most popular year after year. He's never part of cutest couple though because he tends to just hang out with his friends from sports all the time. He's not the brightest crayon in the box, but he's funny. Everyone loves him. 

Anais (AKA "Niecey") is a quiet one. She's into art and music. If you were looking for her at school, she would likely be hiding out in a teacher's room during lunch, since she doesn't have a lot of friends her age. She's always working on some sort of art project, and the teacher gives her free reign with all the art supplies. Right now, she's learning how to blow glass. Her favorite musician is Joanna Newsom.

Pun--Post 28 for 30dow

My sinuses are driving me nuts, so this pun is actually a plagiarism of myself. And it's not even a good one. At work, we have this gnome that we pass around and praise co-workers with it. We each get a short turn, and then we pass it on to someone else, writing up a little email about how great the next person is. Here is an excerpt with a horrid pun. You can imagine a pathetic rim shot after it. 

"I gnome gonna miss him!"

If I weren't so tired, I'd try to make up a new one, but I just finished the first draft of my zombie novel today. No puns, but there is a joke on the double meaning of "straight" (e.g. not drunk and not homosexual). It's kind of funny for a zombie novel. Oh, and there's a main character named Laurie. Just guess what's she's like!! 

...

give up?

...

So the Laurie in my book is the wife of Emma, the main character's best friend. Laurie is the ED of a nonprofit that does after-school culture classes and shit. She's kind of based on my friend Natasha and on Laurie, but is more like Natasha because fictional Laurie is not a bitch (and I mean that in a good way, Laurie, the way that we call each other bitches and it's okay : ) )

I'm quite happy I'm done with the book, but it's kind of anti-climactic. I didn't miss too much sleep over this month, and I only slightly shirked my house chores, and I still have a somewhat crappy draft of a zombie novel. This writing shit is EASY! 

covering head with pillow before anyone mentions editing. night night. 

Thankstaking-Post 27 for 30dow

Hi folks, 

Since our fearless leaderess hasn't given us an assignment, I'm just going to say what I'm thankful for. This is less a post of fiction, less an actual writing assignment, but more of a fulfillment of my contract with myself to write every day. 

So, as always, I'm thankful for my cats, Matthew, my friends, and my family. That's always a given, but they do make my life a lot better. This year, I'm thankful that I am nearly done with my zombie novel (yay 46,000 words!). I'm thankful that there were enough folks voting to Obama to outweigh the crazy fuckers who voted for mccain. I'm thankful that about 5 million people voted against prop 8, even though we didn't ultimately prevail. I was paralyzed with frustration after the vote, but I've now chosen to look at the positive and focus on the fact that the proposition passed overwhelmingly, by a crazy big margin, in 2000. We've changed a lot of people's minds in the last eight years. That's something--even though it's certainly not enough to beat out the cheating-ass mormons who moved to California just to vote on the proposition. 

I'm thankful that despite the assholes who wanted to take away the right to marry from certain Californians, there were enough people willing to vote for a little extra room for chickens. I have to be honest and say that I never believed Prop 2 (outlawing battery cages by asking for enough room for chickens to open their wings) would pass. I did a lot of work on it in the early stages, but it felt like I was just educating the public in the issues, not actually hoping to pass the initiative. 

I'm thankful for my mac, which is a lovely lovely friend and lets me write on the BART on my everyday commute to/fro work. 

I'm thankful for people who make movies because I like movies. And I'm thankful that Jeanie is having a good pregnancy. Maybe she's having a baby right now. 

Okay, gotta go watch the UT-A&M game.

Assonance--Post 26 for 30dow

I'm tired, and want to go to bed, so here's my best effort. 

Kitty Kitty bit him in the shin

He deserved it, the turd. Word. 

Yowsers, that took me less than 45 seconds to write. 

Perhaps a Poor Poem-Post 25 for 30dow

Silently sitting on a simple couch, sipping
Awesome Amber Ale,
I invent and type tragic tales
On my mac of a massacre of great magnitude
Of inmates ingesting infected meat,
And turning into crazed attackers.

Piercing Blue Eyes-Post 24 for 30dow

I’m reading this great book now called “How Not to Write a Novel.” In it, the authors say that many lazy writers will do a shitty job of describing their main characters and will instead describe one aspect and pretend that that describes them as a person. For instance, if your main character is a male, the love interest is often a “bosomy blond” or a “feisty redhead.” The authors say categorically that hair color is not a personality. If the main character is a woman, the love interest often has “piercing blue eyes” or something similar. The authors also added that not everyone in your novel should be super-hot because it just confuses the readers. Readers assume the MC will be getting it on with every hot guy/girl around. The authors also made fun of writers who only describe their characters as they happen across a mirror and decide to check themselves out. So here’s my short parody on that subject.

Emily stepped on to the treadmill and placed her earbuds in her ears. She was ready for a good workout and hoped that today would come with no interruptions, no one wanting the treadmill before she was good and done. She took a quick but approving glance at herself in the mirror on the wall beyond a few other treadmills. She looked at her long golden blond hair pulled into a tight ponytail with a cute little curl at the end. Her breasts strained against her sports bra. She’d accidentally grabbed her sister’s workout clothes by mistake, and her sister was much smaller-chested. Emily’s breasts threatened to spill out of the tight little top, and she forgot to bring a tee-shirt to wear over it. She also wore too tight and too short workout shorts, and her full rear filled them out nicely. The bottoms of her butt cheeks peeked beneath the shorts, and she struggled to pull the shorts down a bit. Her eyes traveled down her long evenly tanned legs to her little white socks and work out shoes. Not bad for a quick little trip to the gym!
As she turned on her music, she looked slightly to her left and saw Mr. Great Arms. Oh, Mr. Great Arms! He worked out at the same time everyday, and Emily tried to catch that time at the gym so she could watch him lift weights as she ran. The treadmills faced into the center of the room, where the weight benches were. She saw Mr. Great Arms strain to lift the heavy bar at the weight bench, and she tried for not the first time to get a peek up his shorts since he was right in line to her treadmill. No luck. She quickened her pace and looked around.
Mr. Obviously Married was in the corner, talking to a cute little redhead as she climbed the stairclimber, sweat pouring between her ample breasts.
She looked towards the entrance, and Blue Eyes walked in. Blue Eyes was even better than Mr. Great Arms! He entered the changing room to the left and emerged with out his gym bag and now in short running shorts instead of jeans. Emily watched as Blue Eyes walked her way and chose the treadmill next to hers, even though all the other ones were unoccupied. She snuck a glance his way, and saw he was looking at her. She gave him a quick smile and kept running. A few seconds later, he started jogging, and then quickened his pace to match hers. She sped up, and he sped up. She pushed herself more than ever before and ran at full speed for ten more minutes. She could hardly breathe as she quickly brought the speed back down. Blue Eyes grinned as he said, “Can’t keep up, can you?”
Emily pulled the buds from her ears and panted, “You don’t even know how long I was going before you got here!”
He replied, “Oh, I know. I work across the street, and I always keep an eye out for you. I saw you walk in today and came right over.” His eyes traveled to her too-tight shirt and heaving bosom and his eyes stayed there as he asked, “Have any plans after this?”