Since I wrote close to 1400 words for my last post, I need to be more frugal with my words on this one. Here is a short story about me watching “Beverly Hills Ninja.”
Every week, Matthew and I go to a Sunday vegan potluck where we watch bad movies. We’ve seen some really really bad movies at potluck. Each month has a theme, like “Rodents of Unusual Size,” “Fifth in a Series,” “Rollerskate Movies,” “Steve Guttenberg,” etc. This month is “Ninja Movies.” Unfortunately, last night was Beverly Hills Ninja.
Movie starts with weird intro of ninjas jumping off a cliff to go see what’s in a box on the beach. It’s a little white baby. Within 2 minutes, he’s grown from a baby to a boy doing ninja moves in ninja school into Chris Farley doing ninja moves in ninja school. Me: “What, it takes him 20 years of practicing the same move, and he still can’t get it?” Ha ha funny antics where he hurts himself. Doesn’t graduate ninja school. Oh, here’s Nicolette Sheridan to hire him to be her ninja because all the real ninjas are out on a ninja mission. Someone in the room comments that it doesn’t make sense that everyone is speaking English if they’re in Japan.
Blah blah blah, I whisper two times to Matthew “I’m ready to go whenever you are.” Antics get worse, more things break, and somehow three murders are blamed on Farley. Then Farley pretends to be a chef at a Japanese restaurant, dressed as an offensively stereotyped fat Japanese guy, and he does dumb things with knives. Finally, Matthew agrees to leave, and we leave during the movie for perhaps the first time ever at potluck. We made it through an hour. I guess we’ll never know if Farley was really the “Great White Ninja” from the prophecy. Oh wait, we do because he surely got his act together and saved the day and graduated from ninja school in the last scene. I’m sorry that Farley acted in such a shitty movie.