Monday, November 24, 2008

Piercing Blue Eyes-Post 24 for 30dow

I’m reading this great book now called “How Not to Write a Novel.” In it, the authors say that many lazy writers will do a shitty job of describing their main characters and will instead describe one aspect and pretend that that describes them as a person. For instance, if your main character is a male, the love interest is often a “bosomy blond” or a “feisty redhead.” The authors say categorically that hair color is not a personality. If the main character is a woman, the love interest often has “piercing blue eyes” or something similar. The authors also added that not everyone in your novel should be super-hot because it just confuses the readers. Readers assume the MC will be getting it on with every hot guy/girl around. The authors also made fun of writers who only describe their characters as they happen across a mirror and decide to check themselves out. So here’s my short parody on that subject.

Emily stepped on to the treadmill and placed her earbuds in her ears. She was ready for a good workout and hoped that today would come with no interruptions, no one wanting the treadmill before she was good and done. She took a quick but approving glance at herself in the mirror on the wall beyond a few other treadmills. She looked at her long golden blond hair pulled into a tight ponytail with a cute little curl at the end. Her breasts strained against her sports bra. She’d accidentally grabbed her sister’s workout clothes by mistake, and her sister was much smaller-chested. Emily’s breasts threatened to spill out of the tight little top, and she forgot to bring a tee-shirt to wear over it. She also wore too tight and too short workout shorts, and her full rear filled them out nicely. The bottoms of her butt cheeks peeked beneath the shorts, and she struggled to pull the shorts down a bit. Her eyes traveled down her long evenly tanned legs to her little white socks and work out shoes. Not bad for a quick little trip to the gym!
As she turned on her music, she looked slightly to her left and saw Mr. Great Arms. Oh, Mr. Great Arms! He worked out at the same time everyday, and Emily tried to catch that time at the gym so she could watch him lift weights as she ran. The treadmills faced into the center of the room, where the weight benches were. She saw Mr. Great Arms strain to lift the heavy bar at the weight bench, and she tried for not the first time to get a peek up his shorts since he was right in line to her treadmill. No luck. She quickened her pace and looked around.
Mr. Obviously Married was in the corner, talking to a cute little redhead as she climbed the stairclimber, sweat pouring between her ample breasts.
She looked towards the entrance, and Blue Eyes walked in. Blue Eyes was even better than Mr. Great Arms! He entered the changing room to the left and emerged with out his gym bag and now in short running shorts instead of jeans. Emily watched as Blue Eyes walked her way and chose the treadmill next to hers, even though all the other ones were unoccupied. She snuck a glance his way, and saw he was looking at her. She gave him a quick smile and kept running. A few seconds later, he started jogging, and then quickened his pace to match hers. She sped up, and he sped up. She pushed herself more than ever before and ran at full speed for ten more minutes. She could hardly breathe as she quickly brought the speed back down. Blue Eyes grinned as he said, “Can’t keep up, can you?”
Emily pulled the buds from her ears and panted, “You don’t even know how long I was going before you got here!”
He replied, “Oh, I know. I work across the street, and I always keep an eye out for you. I saw you walk in today and came right over.” His eyes traveled to her too-tight shirt and heaving bosom and his eyes stayed there as he asked, “Have any plans after this?”


mills said...
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tipsy texter said...

omg is that comment for real????

tipsy texter said...

ok, i loved the end of this one. it made me lol. however, where those snobby book writers failed in their snarkiness is that often times, women really do talk/think like this. so, i am sure in there that they said dialogue should be realistic, and as such, this parody is not really very far off.

Salena said...

I deleted the comment. weird that i can get spam comments.